


Meeting The Constituents

by copperbadge



Category: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Genre: Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-07
Updated: 2006-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt and Danny have very vocal fans and very unkind co-workers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meeting The Constituents

"You wanted to speak with me?"

Danny put his head around the doorway of Wes's -- Matt's -- office, and peered into the gloom. Wes had always kept the place brilliantly lit, but Matt liked writing in the darkness like some kind of literary vampire bat.

"Yeah," Matt said, still staring at the screen. "Which is funnier, bloop or kadoing?"

"That...depends...on which...cartoon character you are?" Danny ventured. "You called me up here to debate the semiotics of bloop?"

"No, I called you up here to show you this," Matt said, picking up a shiny, glossy strip of paper and holding it between index and middle finger. It wasn't actually paper; it was a sticker. A bumper-sticker in fact. Two red stripes on a white background and vivid blue lettering:

**TRIPP & ALBIE 2007**

"Now, mainly I want to know why I'm _vice_ -president," Matt said. 

"Who made that, props? It's pretty slick," Danny said, actually entering the room and taking the sticker out of Matt's fingers. 

"No. The internet made it."

"What?"

"The internet. Made it. Someone on the internet made them and they're selling them on cafepress dot com," Matt said. 

"Jesus, I'm going to turn the internet off to the whole building," Danny said. "There's got to be a wire somewhere I can cut."

"What the hell did we do to deserve that?" Matt asked, gesturing at the bumper sticker as if it might bite him.

"Uhh, took over a major cultural icon and made it cool again? Just a thought," Danny suggested. 

Matt rubbed his eyes. "I don't want to be vice president."

"Well, don't run. I don't think we'll do very well with soccer moms anyway, they tend to vote against recovering drug addicts. What's our platform on abortion?"

"Danny..."

"Seriously, is this upsetting you? And if so, why?" Danny asked, leaning on the desk. "It's good publicity for the show."

"It's not good publicity for _me_ ," Matt said. "They couldn't pick Harry and Simon?"

"What do you mean, it's not good publicity for you? People _like_ you, they want you to be my vice-president. That's pretty damn awesome. Hey, we could sketch this, couldn't we? You know, start out with a bunch of people _really_ unlikely to get elected, run the series until sweeps and hold a mock election at sweeps. Then you've got your running gag -- President...Gumby or whatever."

He saw a spark in Matt's eyes, just for a moment, and knew that the seed had been planted -- it might not blossom right now, but in another two weeks max there'd be a presidential-race sketch in the midnight timeslot. 

"I don't want attention," Matt muttered. 

"This is still you being gunshy."

"It's not -- "

"It is, Matt! All you can remember is the last time you were this famous it was for being the only guy backing Bill Maher against the entire Religious Right and everyone screaming _too soon too soon_. But it isn't that way this time," Danny continued, crouching in front of the desk and resting his chin on the ledge. Matt stared at him from around the edge of the laptop. "This time it's us, man. We've got control of a nineteen-share every Friday night and the insanely hot network president is -- "

" _Behindyou_ ," Matt sneezed.

"Hi boys," said Jordan McDeere, leaning against the doorframe. "You should listen to him, Matt. Not about the insanely hot part -- "

" -- yeah, sorry about that -- " Danny muttered.

" -- 'cause that's self-evident. All the rest though, good stuff."

"He should write his own speeches," Matt retorted. "He's going to be the president."

"Of the United States?"

"Apparently," Matt said, holding up the sticker again.

"I've seen it."

"Man, that means _everyone_ \-- " Matt began.

"Have you boys seen your cars?" Jordan asked. 

Danny and Matt exchanged horrified looks. As one, they rose and bolted for the parking lot.

***

It would not have been comedy to slap a bumper sticker on the fender of each car. The cast of Studio 60 knew comedy, and that wasn't comedy. It would not even have been comedy to cover the fenders of each car with bumper stickers or plaster them on the windows or doors. That wasn't comedy, that was vandalism. 

_Comedy_ was carefully placing one bumper sticker on the fender of each car and then supergluing huge white rosettes to the grilles just above the fenders and then decorating the hoods with red and blue bunting and then draping little American flags from the antennas and _then_ taping "WHITE HOUSE OR BUST" signs to the rear windshields with more bunting attached and then covering every uncovered inch of space with star-shaped glitter. 

"Danny," Matt said, hands shoved in pockets, studying his car thoughtfully. He could hear people giggling inside the studio. 

"Yeah Matt?" Danny asked. He had mistakenly tried to brush some of the glitter off his car and it was now all over his hands and trousers. 

"I want you to fire everyone in the props department."

"Then we'd have to fire the cast, too. They're a bad influence."

"I'm feeling pretty okay with that right now," Matt said. "Think we could do the show with sock-puppets?"

"Not if we fire props."

"Damn."

"How far are you on this week's script?" Danny inquired. 

"What're you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we're going to take our presidential cars and drive to the nearest bar and take the rest of the day off."

"Meeting the constituents," Matt nodded. "Good plan."


End file.
